Do your parents “snoop” around your private business?
To give you a daily dose of “unnecessary” advice because of something you did?
Or even worse they used toxic words on you, even beat you without tangible reasons. I am sure you found them annoying or even worse.
Understand that our parents were our doorway to earth, our guardians, and they are responsible for nurturing us spiritually, physically, and otherwise.
Ephesians 6:1-4 says
Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
It is important to remember that parents are also humans, and they’re prone to shortcomings. Hence, as children, obeying their parents “in the lord,” means anything outside of the Lord shouldn’t be obeyed. For instance, you shouldn’t follow your parents if they tell you to steal or lie, because it is wrong to do so in the sight of God.
Another thing to note is that it is almost expected for most teenagers to find their parents annoying on several occasions, especially when their words and actions are not in agreement with what our youthful spirits want. Nevertheless, there are also parents who are beyond annoying and are flat our toxic and abusive either intentionally or unintentionally. This article does not cover a guide on how to deal with such parents as that situation requires a more thoughtful approach and probably words of wisdom from an experienced person.
Thus, keep in mind that the parents who we are going to call “annoying” are your typical African parents who sometimes do not admonish you rightly or occasionally, parents who provoke you to wrath.
Here are three tips for dealing with annoying parents.
1. Humble yourself before the Lord
I know this article is about parents, but let’s be honest, we all have a part to play in our parents’ “annoying” attitude. (Again, these are for normal family dramas that occur between parents and children. Some parents are actually evil and their children are innocent of whatever reason they have for maltreating them.)
Like Jesus said, you can not remove the speck in your brother’s eye when there is a big log in yours. To effectively handle our parents’ ‘wahala’, we must first ensure that we are not contributing to or even causing these issues in the first place. As a child of God, humble yourself in prayer and ask God to help you get rid of any bad character or evil actions that you do to your parents. And as hard as it may seem (trust me I know), ask Him to help you to be a faithful and obedient child.
I recently came out of that stage where I consider everything my parents do to be annoying. I realized my own shortcomings, which were actually sloth (which caused me to be annoyed whenever they sent me on an “annoying” errand), and selfishness- which blinded my eyes to see how much they were actually doing for me.
Get rid of any bias you may have towards your parent and strive to be a better child because this is the only way you can walk confidently to God regarding your parents. Besides, why should God listen to your complaints about how annoying your parents are when you’re equally an annoying child?
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you."- James 4:10 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. " - Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)
2. Understand them
As said earlier, parents are humans too. even though they may seem hard and harsh on the outside, the reality is that they have feelings, worries, and shortcomings just like we do. Any good parent genuinely wants what’s best for their child(ren), ), and they will make decisions based on that. Oftentimes, these decisions may seem overbearing or may not be the best, but let us not forget that it is coming from a place of love. your parent’s refusal to let you leave the house for that friend’s party is not because they hate you, but it may be that they fear for your safety and want you to be safe.
Understanding your parents means understanding their behavioral patterns-
how they act and react to certain situations. Truthfully, many teenagers are
self-centered and don’t think about their parents before they act. Other times
though, it could be that our parents are simply misunderstanding us. during
these times, we must put on the cloak of patience and carefully try to explain
to them.
We also need to realize that
parents, like other human beings, are products
of society. Most of their behaviors and values were either passed on to them by
their parents or indoctrinated by circumstances they experienced while
growing up. For example, parents who beat, use abusive words on their children,
and
make undue comparisons with their peers were also brought up in this way (I am
not justifying their actions, but stating the fact).
They might have experienced
something similar and repeated the same method
with their children. Hence, the key is understanding why they behave the way
they do, to be able to cope
with them.
“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is
quick-tempered displays folly.”- Proverbs
14:29
3. Have a conversation with them
When last did you talk to your parents? I’m not talking about the usual morning greetings and brief communication in between errands, I mean like an actual conversation. Though this depends on your parents (because some parents are very unapproachable), an actual conversation can bring things to light and change things in a way that you never thought was possible.
Many parents genuinely wish that their kids, especially their teenagers would be more open with them and talk to them more often. Of course, your conversations should not always be confrontational, but having a conversation with your parents every now and then can strengthen your relationship and make their shortcomings more tolerable.
You can start by asking your parents how they are feeling and how their day went when they come back from work (it can be awkward at first, but it gets better.) This will boost your confidence and build rapport so that you can approach them later for a serious conversation (only if they are rational in their thinking!).
Please note that some parents are beyond reasoning and they see everything they do as the right thing, approaching them straightforwardly might not be a good idea. It would be best to come up with another method or wait for an opportune time before discussing your grievances with them.
4. Know that God loves you unconditionally
Parents can say really harmful things to their children sometimes that kill their spirit and break their esteem. This can even be to the point where some teenagers start doubting themselves and those around them. Some may even start doubting if God really exists and if he does, why he let them suffer such things in their parent’s hands.
Child of God, if this is you, remember that God still loves you. It may be hard to see it through your parents but know that God’s love is not like man’s love. Your parent’s mistreatment does not define how God is. God is our perfect Father in heaven, who has always cared, still cares, and will forever care for us. As a Christian, you have been brought into the family of Christ, you are joint heirs with the Son. God brought you into this world for a good purpose. He has given you wonderful gifts and talents and potential with which you’ll serve him and help further his kingdom on earth.
Knowing this, don’t let those toxic words they use on you not define who you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and God has a perfect plan for your life.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11 KJV
5. Talk to someone in the Lord about it
The devil loves secrecy, he uses it as his tool to keep you from progressing, you may feel like nobody understands what you are going through, that’s just what the devil wants you to think. There are several others who are experiencing the same thing you’re experiencing and perhaps what you all need to do is to come together and encourage one another.
If your parent’s behavior towards you is getting out of hand, do well to talk to a wise, well-informed person who can advise you on the right thing to do. If possible, inform an adult you’re close with who will give you moral support and even offer to talk to your parents for you. Nonetheless, you must be careful while doing this and pray to God to send only well-meaning individuals to you because there are some adults who will just go and report you to your parents (or worse add ‘pepper and salt’ to the gist to land you in more trouble.)
"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel." - Proverbs 12:15
6. Pray for them:
Last but not least, If you have tried everything and done your best (as instructed in no 1) and yet they don’t seem to change, commit it to the hands of God and don’t feel bothered about it again.
God loves us and we can always bring to him whatever is causing us heartaches, including our parent’s burdensome behaviors. Pray for your parents always. Pray for their health, finances, mental and emotional well-being, and above all, for their spiritual life.
"In nothing be anxious, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7(ASV)
Finally, remember that having a family is a privilege and it’s something we have to be grateful for as Christians. As annoying as our parents may be, deep down, we know it would be very hard to live without them. These men and women are the ones who care and provide for us, hence, they deserve the utmost respect.
I hope this article blessed you. If it did, please leave a comment and share with a friend or fellow believer who has been complaining about how annoying their parents are (lol)
As always, Stay safe, Stay happy
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